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2019年08月25日 22:35:32来源:挂号分享

The idea of sex and love addiction conjures up all sorts of images, however, this addiction is as painful as any other. You may be asking, "What is sex addiction or what is love addiction? Can we be addicted to love? How would we know if we are addicted to sex or addicted to love?" To begin to answer these questions and to start to understand sex and love addiction, it is important to understand why the idea of addiction becomes associated with sex and with love.AddictionAddiction is a process which occurs over time in a persons life. Addiction is usually associated with repetitive behaviors, obsessive thinking about a person or behavior or, in the case of substance addiction, a particular drug. Initially the behavior and the thoughts feel good and are even euphoric causing the person to want to repeat the behavior and thinking pattern. The key ingredient for addiction to occur is the feeling of euphoria the person gets from the behavior. Feeling good is very reinforcing, and humans will seek out what feels good, even if the good feeling is brief and short lived. With addiction comes obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors, lost time and productivity, lost relationships and marriages, lost physical and mental health. The addiction becomes the underlying drive for the person’s life.Sex AddictionSex addiction can range from solitary compulsive masturbation to predatory sex crimes. This article will focus on what Patrick Carnes in his bookOut of the Shadowsrefers to as the Level One sex addict. The behaviors associated with this level of sexual behavior are usually within the range of what society views as victimless. Sexual behaviors which occur between what appears to be consenting adults, even if the behavior is illegal, is tolerated and even encouraged, and is often considered victimless. An example would be prostitution. Prostitution is a crime, and participating in sex with a prostitute is a crime in most parts of our society. However, it is tolerated by our society and often viewed as behavior between adults to which both consent--it becomes viewed as anecessary evil.In this view no one is victimized by the other.Besides prostitution, other behaviors which are in level one include: pornography, strip shows, peep shows, compulsive masturbation, massage parlors, repetitive one-night stands, multiple sex partners, cruising in bars and restrooms, and so forth. More recently we have cybersex, phone sex, or e-sex. The sex addict may participate in one or many of these behaviors, but the behavior is repetitive, compulsive, and driven. What may have begun as a curiosity regarding pornography, soon evolves into obsession. What was meant to be one trip to a prostitute becomes repetitive, expensive, and time consuming--not to mention demoralizing, shame producing, physically dangerous, and emotionally draining. Often the thrill of risky, clandestine behavior is enough to continue the pursuit. The obsessive thinking takes up ever growing amounts of time, even as the compulsive addictive behavior may be becoming less and less rewarding.Most often these behaviors are done in secret. The addict may reveal the tip of the iceberg to a friend, but rarely the extent of the obsession. If the addict is married or in a relationship, the secret must be covered up with lies and deception. Money spent must be allowed for in the budget. Time lost must be accounted for. Even while the behavior continues to reinforce the obsession, the act becomes hollow and shameful for the sex addict. The problems associated with the addiction begin to outweigh the pleasure derived from the behavior.Love AddictionIt may seem incongruous to placeloveandaddictionwithin the same context, but if you understand how the addictive process occurs in people’s lives, then it becomes easy to associate the two ideas. Addiction occurs when a person gets hooked on the feeling associated with a behavior. In this case love. Our culture tends to place a high premium on the love between intimates. We view love or romantic love as the basis of a relationship. If there isn’t romantic love, if we don’t feel "in love" with the person we are less likely to think about a long term commitment or marriage. The "in love" feeling is euphoric, and it is quite reinforcing. The longing associated with that early bloom of romantic love is well known and is the subject of love songs, romantic movies, and love stories. Romantic comedies act out the interplay between two people as they move from strangers to being in love. The film expresses the longing, the delight, the humor, and sometimes the pain of romantic love.Love becomes addictive when that feeling of euphoria which occurs during romantic love becomes the goal. The early stage of a relationship when the other is still unknown, when we can look endlessly into their eyes, when the sound of their voice causes our heart to race, is the bonding stage. This early stage (the beginning, the first meeting, the first kiss) is followed quickly by the first weeks and months of the relationship, and the physical arousal level is high. Researches who have studied human behavior are quite aware of the hormones and endorphins which are secreted in greater amounts during this stage, and which further act to reinforce the bonding. This chemical process can be addictive. That euphoric feeling becomes what is sought after and what triggers the addictive cycle.Love addicts can be recognized by their movement from relationship to relationship, multiple marriages, affairs while in a committed relationship, and their general focus on the next man or woman who might come into their lives. The flight in and out of relationships soon looses its thrill, and the love addict is left with pain and loss. Some love addicts may be hooked on fantasy lovers. Fantasy lovers are people the addict loves and longs for from a distance. These people may not actually go in and out of relationships, but instead spend large amounts of time in chat rooms, ing romance novels, or going to movie after movie. This frantic behavior is an attempt to feel good. To replicate the feeling of being in love. Unfortunately, what usually occurs is deadening depression. Chat rooms, romance novels, and movies are not negative in themselves, they are meant to be entertaining, stimulating, and fun. For the love addict, these pursuits become the tools of their addictive process. While some love addicts go from person to person, others addict to one person. This love addict creates a fantasy relationship and tries repeatedly to fit the person into the fantasy. Even in the face of evidence to the contrary, the love addict will continue the fantasy of being in love with the perfect mate.Sex and Love AddictionSex and love go hand in hand. When we are in love it often follows that we have sex with that person. We even call itmaking love.However, for the sex and love addict, love and sex within the same relationship becomes stale and boring after awhile. The first blush is off, the bloom has paled. In short, the hormones aren’t pumping quite so fast. That euphoric feeling has died down, and the real work of the relationship begins. At this point the sex addict will increase their addictive behavior and the love addict may begin to look elsewhere. The addictive cycle begins (if it ever ended) anew. The cherished hope within the sex and love addict that the new relationship will be enough to break the cycle is met with failure, loss, and shame.RecoveryRecovery from sex and love addiction can occur. The process of recovery is much like recovery from substance addictions. First, the addict begins the process of healing by identifying the painful damaging behavior. By acknowledging their behavior is addictive and destructive, their lives become open to growth and change. The addict learns to recognize how their thinking, their feelings, and their behaviors lead them into the addictive cycle. Frequently, sex and love addicts are depressed and anxious, and begin to feel worse before they feel better making the recovery process painful.There is help. The sex and love addict is not alone. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, a 12-Step program modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous, offers the addict a place to learn about themselves and the addictive process. The tools of recovery are available if the person is willing to take the step into a new life. Another important tool for recovery is counseling. Counseling can help the person understand how their unfinished business from the past is affecting them today. They can begin to unravel how the addictive cycle works in their lives. 成瘾可能发生在人一生中任何阶段,常常与重复行为、强迫性观念,或者在物质成瘾中,一种特殊的药物联系在一起的。最初行为和想法尚且感觉良好,使人感到欣快地想要重复这些行为和思维方式。成瘾的关键组成部分是人们从特定行为中获得的欣快感受。感觉良好就具有强化作用,人们会寻找出是什么让他感觉良好,即使这种感觉短暂一时。伴随着成瘾,他们会出现强迫观念以及强迫行为,时间和工效观念丧失,人际关系和婚姻丧失,身体和心理健康丧失等后果。上瘾渐渐会变成一个人生活的内在驱力。性成瘾性成瘾从独自强迫性的自慰,到掠夺式的性犯罪,都可能存在着。本文将着重介绍Patrick Carnes在其书《走出阴影》中所描述的第一水平的性成瘾。伴随这种水平的性行为的一些行为被社会视为其中无人受害,性行为发生在自愿的成人之间,即使是非法的,仍然是可以容许甚至是可以鼓励的,毕竟没有其中没有人受害。卖淫就是这样,卖淫在大部分地方都是犯罪行为。但是它能够被我们的社会所容许,常常被当作是成人的自愿行为,这是不可避免的事情,从这种角度看,没有人会收到别人的问责。除了卖淫外,其他第一水平的行为还有:色情作品,脱衣舞,偷窥秀,强迫性的自慰,院,一夜情,多名性伴侣,酒吧或者澡堂揽客。现在更是有网络性爱,电话性爱,乃至虚拟性爱。性成瘾可能参与一种或者多种这样的性行为,然而不管如何这种行为都是重复性地,强迫性的,冲动性的,受到内在驱使的。可能发生的是刚刚最初对色情作品好奇,发展成为强迫性冲动。一次嫖娼的经历可能会再三重复,耗费大量金钱和时间,更不用说意志消沉、羞耻感的产生,身体上的危险,情感上的衰竭。常常秘密而冒险的行为所带来的兴奋足以维持对这种行为的追求。渐渐地,即使强迫性成瘾行为所带来的欣快感变得越来越淡,强迫性观念占据的时间却越来越多。大多数情况下这样的行为是秘密进行的。成瘾者可能只向朋友暴露其状况的冰山一角,但不会透露自己的强迫程度。如果成瘾者结婚或者恋爱了,秘密还会被谎言和欺骗所掩盖。其中金钱花费要列入预算,时间花费也要进行解释。即使当这种行为继续为了增强强迫性而进行的,这种举动对于性成瘾者仍然被视为虚伪和羞耻的。这个伴随成瘾的问题带来的烦恼或许从程度上超过了行为本身带来的愉悦。爱情成瘾将爱情和成瘾放在一起或许有些不和谐,但如果你理解了成瘾过程怎么在人们的生活中发生之后,将二者联系起来就容易多了。当一个人着迷与行为伴随的感受,成瘾便发生了,爱情也是如此。我们的文化倾向于鼓励恋人间的爱情。我们把爱或者浪漫的爱视为关系的基础。如果没有浪漫的爱,我们就不会感觉到在恋爱,亦不会去想要维持长期的关系,更不会考虑婚姻。恋爱的感觉就是一种欣快感,对人的强化作用非常大。渴望绽放烂漫的爱情之花是爱情歌曲、浪漫电影、爱情故事的永恒主题。浪漫喜剧更是上演着一对恋人从陌生到相爱的经历。电影表达着浪漫爱情的渴望,带来的快乐,幽默以及伤痛。当以追求浪漫爱情带来的欣快感为目的时,爱情就成瘾了。爱情关系最初的契合阶段中,彼此仍旧不了解对方,我们彼此深深地看着对方的眼睛,对方的声音都可以使我们心跳加速。这个阶段(从开始,到初次约会,到初吻)会持续一周或者一月,此时生理唤醒水平还是比较高的。研究人类行为的学者发现在这个阶段,荷尔蒙和内啡肽(一种体内镇痛物质)的含量在秘密地增加,这就会强化爱情行为。这个化学过程可能导致成瘾。这种欣快感就是之后成瘾者追求的目标,也是引发成瘾周期的元凶。爱情成瘾者可能有以下形式的举动:关系的深入发展,多重婚姻,忠诚关系中的婚外逸事,并且他们一般着聚焦于下一个出现在他们生活中的异性。在这种关系中的反复无常使兴奋性降低,爱情成瘾者只剩下伤痛和损失。一些爱情成瘾者还可能着迷于幻想爱人。幻想爱人是成瘾者只渴望在异地喜爱的人。这些人可能不会在感情关系中反复无常,但是会花费大量的时间在聊天室中,读浪漫小说,或者去狂看爱情电影。这种疯狂的行为是在试图追求和重复恋爱美妙的感受。有的爱情成瘾者会不断调换不同的异性,而有些的对象却只有一个异性。康复性与爱情成瘾的康复是有可能的,就像物质成瘾的康复一样。首先,成瘾者应该认识到这种给自己带来伤痛损害得行为。通过认识到他们的行为是成瘾并具有破坏性的,他们的生命将开放、成长和改善。成瘾者通过学习了解他们的想法、感受和行为是如何诱导他们进入了成瘾周期的。性与爱情成瘾者常常会抑郁和焦虑,他们在感觉改善之前会感觉糟糕,这会使得康复的进程变得困难。还是有解决方法的。性与爱情成瘾者并不孤独。性与爱情成瘾者互助协会,仿照戒酒互助协会,提供给成瘾者一个场所了解自己以及成瘾过程。如果他们愿意踏入新的生活,可以参与到其中。另外一个重要的康复就是咨询。咨询可能帮助了解他们过去心理和人格% /200810/54469。

  • If you are in a relationship with a Sagittarian woman, it is important for you to know about the characteristics of women who are born under this zodiac sign. This article will give you complete information on the traits of a Sagittarius woman.如果你现在正和一位射手座的美女谈恋爱,了解这一星座的女人所具有的特点对你来说就很重要了。本文将详细介绍射手座女人的性格特点。Woman who is born between November 23 and December 20 is said to be a Sagittarian woman. This sign is the ninth among the twelve zodiac signs and is represented by the archer sign. As the bow of the archer always aims high, the Sagittarius woman has big dreams, aspirations and goals. She has the eternal quest for knowledge, as she loves to learn about new things. Due to this, it is difficult to hold her at one place, as once she achieves her goal, she sets another one and starts her struggle to reach there. This makes the Sagittarius woman intriguing as well as interesting. So, let us try to know some of the main characteristics that define a Sagittarius woman.出生在11月23日到十二月20日之间的女人被称作射手女,作为十二星座中的第九个,射手座的标志是一张弓。就像拉满的弓总是朝向高处一样,射手座的女人也有伟大的梦想,无限的渴望以及高远的目标。出于对新事物的热爱,她对知识总是不懈的追求。因此,很难把她拴在某个地方,一旦她达到了目标,便会定下另一个,然后又开始努力奋斗。这让射手座的女人又迷人又有趣。现在就让我们一起来了解一下射手女性格的几个主要方面。 /201103/129582。
  • Men are more likely than women to marry someone they feel is not quite right for them, debunking the myth that women will do anything for a ring ; and that men, on the other hand, will do anything to shun commitment.男人其实比女人更能接受不是很有感觉的人作为自己的结婚对象,这打破了女人愿为结婚做任何事,而男人会不惜一切逃避婚姻承诺的不实传言。The recent Singles in America survey by Match.com ; which also drew attention to the sexual differences between political persuasions ; delivered the surprising results.婚恋网站Match.com近日开展的美国单身人士调查发布了这一惊人的结果,该调查还关注了男女在政治信仰上的差异。Of the survey#39;s 5,000 respondents, 31 percent of men, compared to 23 percent of women, admitted they would consider marrying someone who has everything they are looking for in a partner but with whom they weren#39;t in love.调查涵盖的5000人中,31%的男性和23%的女性坦言他们会考虑和一个;符合自己对伴侣的所有要求;但自己不爱的人结婚。21 percent of men went even further, confessing that they would commit to someone they weren#39;t sexually attracted to.21%的男性甚至承认他们会和对自己没有性吸引力的女人结婚。Contrary to what popular culture suggests ; which lady hasn#39;t sympathised with Bridget Jones, or laughed at 27 Dresses? ; men, young men in particular, are only too happy to settle.这和流行文化传递的信息正相反。哪个女人不曾与布里吉特bull;琼斯产生过共鸣,又有哪个女人会嘲笑《27次伴娘》的主人公呢?受其影响,人们认为男人,特别是年轻男人,都很享受当前的快乐生活,不愿被婚姻绑住。Whether it is a resignation to believing there may never be the one or a case of domestic pragmatism, men are willing to commit and live a life with a woman they feel is not 100 percent ideal.不管是无奈地认为;真爱;也许根本不存在,还是对家庭所持的实用主义价值观,不少男人愿意和一个并非百分百理想对象的女人结婚并一起生活。Counter;intuitively, the urge to marry was even stronger for men in their twenties than for those in their thirties and rose again for men in their forties.和我们的直觉相反,二十多岁的男人比三十多岁的男人更想结婚,在男人过了四十以后,结婚愿望又重新变得强烈起来。The apparent resignation among men to marry for the sake of marrying ; and the company, support and security it offers ; rather than for love and true attraction does not come as news to some men.男人为结婚而结婚对某些男人来说并不是新闻,他们为了获得陪伴、持和安全感而结婚,而非为了爱情和吸引力而结婚,这显然也是无奈之举。Tom Fant, a healthcare consultant in New York, told the Daily Beast: ;The idea of being alone in life can be so overwhelming. Soul crushing for some.;纽约保健顾问汤姆bull;凡特告诉美国新闻网站;每日野兽;说:;孤独终老的念头让人受不了。甚至让某些人有灵魂破碎的感觉。;Men certainly aren#39;t immune to it, even if most of us like to pretend that we are too strong to be scared, lonely, or, even worse, insecure.;;虽然大多数男人都喜欢假装自己很坚强,坚强到无所畏惧,不会寂寞,也不会有不安全感,但男人对此确实没有免疫力。; /201202/172432。
  • One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition ; If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy.The teacher went to him and asked the reason.;I am waiting for my secretary, ; the boy answered.一天课上,老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。所有的学生都在动笔写了,只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。;我在等我的秘书。;那孩子答道。 /201201/168664。
  • If only I had known a little bit more about accelerated and effective learning when I was still a student myself! That would have saved me a lot of frustration and, most of all, precious time.Fortunately, learning and learning to learn well, will always be one of the most valuable skills in your personal and professional life. My point is to start building these skills as soon as possible, preferably when you are still a student.Fast and effective learning is a skill for life and I could talk about it for days. However, to get you started I will give you 5 powerful tips on how to learn more, how to learn well and how to learn effectively.1. The foundation: a productivity systemLet’s face it, without a solid foundation there is no way you can expect to build new skills and form new habits. My first tip therefore is to adopt a productivity system (like GTD). You need to develop the habit of consistent and effective note-taking, you need to have a clean, uncluttered desk to study at, you need a system for storing reference material and tracking your (learning) projects. I strongly suggest following this important tip, because it will make everything else (including learning) more efficient and effective. Speaking from my own experience: GTD by David Allen has provided this much needed foundation in my life. Read more here: 10 Simple Tips to Start Getting Things Done.2. SpeedingYou probably need or want to a lot of offline and online material as well. But you only have so much time to do it. This is where my second tip comes in. Practice speeding to smarter and faster, while improving your comprehension! I have written about speeding extensively but it boils down to: get to “know” the material you’re about to , decide which parts of it you are going to , and when you are actually ing: keep your eyes moving at a steady, perhaps increasing, pace without stopping at every word and definitely without ever reing a single phrase. These tricks alone should double your ing speed very soon.3. Think and work on paperThere is no question that pen and paper are the most underrated productivity and learning tools around. My advice is to always think and work on paper. It will get things off your mind and make room for more creative thinking. Use your own shorthand and notational system to highlight important facts and actions in the material you’re learning. Condense, memorize and review the material you’ve learned by creating mindmaps. Forget about trusting your mind or your computer, think and work on paper to learn better and effectively.4. Use multisensory techniquesThis tip is all about discovering your preferred learning style and leveraging it to make learning more fun and more effective. You have to figure out for yourself if you are more of a visual learner, an auditory learner or a kinesthetic/tactile learner. Information will be absorbed by your brain much quicker and much more effective if you use your preferred learning style. To enhance your learning experience even further, combine your preferred learning style with the other ones. For instance, writing things down combines the visual and tactile learning styles. Reading things aloud to yourself combines the visual and auditory learning styles.5. Allow your brain to absorb new stuffEverybody has a certain learning rhythm. Some learn best in the early hours of the morning, others learn best late at night. Figure out which rhythm and time frame suits you best and use this to maximize your learning ability. However, you must frequently give your brain time to absorb the new stuff that you are learning. The best way is to “sleep on it” and the second best way is to take frequent breaks and do something completely different. 如果在我还是学生时就多知道一点有关高效学习的知识,那将会使我减少很多挫折,最重要的是,节约很多宝贵的时间。幸运的是,学习和学会更好的学习,将永远是你个人和职业生活中最宝贵的技能之一。我的观点是,尽可能早地开始建立这些技能,最好是从学生时代开始。快速而有效地学习对生活来说是一种技能,我可以好几天都讲这一件事。不过,为了让你开始,我会给你5个非常有效的技巧,让你学得更多、更好、更有效率。1、基础:一套有效的系统我们得明白,如果没有一个固定的基础,你根本别指望能建立新的技巧,形成新的习惯。因此,我的第一个小窍门是,让自己适应一套有效的系统(比如GTD)。你需要养成不断并高效地做记录的习惯,你需要一个干净整洁的桌子学习,你需要一套储存相关材料和检验你学习效果的系统。我强烈建议你跟随这个重要的窍门,因为它能使其它的每一件事(包括学习)更有效。以我自己的经历来说:戴维.阿兰的GTD给我的生活提供了这个非常有必要的基础。想了解更多与此有关的内容,请参阅:10个简单的窍门开始完成每一件事。2、速读你可能需要或想要离线和在线阅读很多资料,但你没那么多的时间。这就有了我的第二个小窍门。练习速读,从而能读得更聪明更快速,同时提高你的理解力。我已经写过大量和快速阅读有关的文章,归根结底就是:“知道”你将要阅读的材料,决定你将会阅读哪个部分,当你实际阅读时,保持你眼睛移动的速度,或者逐渐加快,不要在每个字上停留,绝对不要重复任何一个单独的短语。只是这些招数就能很快让你的阅读速度提高一倍。3、把所想所做的写下来毋庸置疑,纸和笔是在我们身边最被低估的生产和学习工具。我的建议是,无论何时都把你想到做到的写下来。这样做能使你将一些事情从脑子里移出来,从而为更具创造性的思考腾出空间。运用你的速写和笔记系统突出显示你所学材料中的重要事实和行动。忘记相信你的大脑或电脑,把你所想所做的写下来,你就能学得更好更有效率。4、运用多种技术这个窍门帮你发现自己偏爱的学习方式和工具,从而使学习变得更有趣和有效。你得清楚自己到底是属于视觉学习者,听觉学习者,还是触觉学习者。如果你运用自己偏好的学习方式,大脑就能更有效地接收信息。为了进一步加深你的学习经历,你可以将自己所偏好的学习方式与其它方法结合起来。比如,运用视觉和听觉学习方式的同时,把事情写下来;或者,结合视觉和触觉学习方式,大声地读出所写的事情。5、让你的大脑接收新知识每个人都有自己独特的学习节率。有些人在清晨时学习最有效率,有些人则在深夜学习最有效率。明白自己最适合的学习节率和时间框架,借此来最大化你的学习能力。不过,你必须经常让你的大脑有时间去接收所学的新知识。最好的方法就是“带着刚学的知识睡觉”,第二好的方法就是经常休息去做一些完全不同的事情。 /200811/56135。
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