时间:2020年02月27日 18:30:48

This Mother#39;s Day, give your mom something that will help her sleep better at night. Women live about five years longer than men, on average, so chances are your mom will be winding down her golden years solo. Here are some steps you can take to help safeguard her finances and give both of you peace of mind:在这个母亲节,送给母亲一些能让她晚上睡得更踏实的礼物吧!平均来说,女性比男性的寿命长约五年,所以你的母亲很可能会独自度过一段金色的晚年时光。下文为你提供了一些在财务上保护她的方法,让你们都能获得内心的平静。Inform: #39;First, everybody should know what assets they have and how they#39;re titled,#39; says Roberta Anderson, senior vice president, private banking at People#39;s ed Bank in Greenwich, Conn. There is a generational divide here, she says: Younger women are more likely up to speed than those in their 80s and 90s.告知:“首先,每个人都应该了解他们拥有哪些资产以及有哪些权利,”罗贝塔#12539;安德森(Roberta Anderson)说。安德森是People#39;s ed Bank私人部门的高级副总裁,该总部位于康涅狄格州格林威治市。她说,在这一问题上,不同年龄的人差异很大:相较于那些八九十岁的女性,年纪更轻的女性或许更能掌握资产的状况。If your mom isn#39;t accustomed to doing so, encourage her to attend meetings with any financial, tax or estate-planning advisers. If she#39;s aly a widow or her husband is ailing, have her bring along a trusted friend or relative, says Ms. Anderson. And encourage her to be an active participant. No matter their age, #39;women don#39;t tend to ask the questions, and they should,#39; Ms. Anderson says.如果你的母亲并不习惯于这么做,请你鼓励她与财务顾问、税务顾问或者是不动产规划顾问进行面谈。安德森表示,如果她的丈夫已经去世或身体不适,请让她带一位值得信赖的朋友或亲属一起前往。也请鼓励她做一位积极的参与者。无论年龄高低,“女人们都不喜欢提问,但是她们确实应该多问问题,”安德森称。Pay especially close attention to beneficiary designations on retirement accounts. These supersede the will. So if a husband#39;s ex-wife is still listed as the beneficiary of his 401(k) account--a common oversight--his widow will be out of luck.对于退休账户受益人的指定应特别留神。它们优于遗嘱的效力。因此,如果某位丈夫的前妻仍被列为他401(k)退休账户的受益人(这种疏忽非常常见),这对于他的遗孀来说可是个坏消息。Social Security benefits, too, warrant careful planning. Couples should almost always maximize the higher of their two benefits--often the husband#39;s--by deferring the start of that benefit for as long as possible. This increases the payout for the couple, but especially for the surviving spouse--often the wife--whose benefit will be based on the higher amount.社会保障福利也同样有必要进行仔细的规划。夫妻应该总是最大限度地利用俩人较高的那份福利金,这份福利金通常是丈夫的,夫妻应该尽可能地延迟申领这份福利金的起始时间。这会提高夫妻所领取的福利金的金额,特别对一方去世后的另一方(往往是妻子)尤其有利,因为尚存配偶的领取金额取决于较高的那份福利金。If your mom is vulnerable to financial abuse, whether due to #39;naiveté, confusion, or actual dementia,#39; inform her what the risks are and teach her to ignore emails, phone calls and mail from unfamiliar sources, says Michael Schulman, an accountant and financial planner in New York.来自纽约的会计师、理财规划师迈克尔#12539;舒尔曼(Michael Schulman)表示,不管是因为“单纯、困惑还是老年痴呆”之中的哪个原因,如果你的母亲容易受到财务欺诈,那么你必须要告知她风险所在并教她不要理会陌生的电子邮件、电话和信件。#39;When my dad died, I explained to my mom, #39;Don#39;t respond to emails, period,#39; #39; says Mr. Schulman, a member of the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants elder-planning task force.舒尔曼表示:“在我父亲过世后,我向母亲解释,‘一句话,不要回复电子邮件。’”舒尔曼是美国注册会计师协会(American Institute of Certified Public Accountants)老年规划工作组的成员。Insulate: #39;At some point there#39;s going to be leakage in the system,#39; he adds. Insulate your mom to the extent possible, he says. Help her automate her incoming and outgoing funds with direct deposit (Social Security payments aly arrive this way) and, if she#39;s computer-literate, online bill paying.隔绝:“在某些时候,系统中会出现漏洞,”他又说。把你母亲和外界潜在的危险因素隔绝开,他说。通过直接存款(社会保障福利的付款已经可以自动到帐了),帮助母亲实现进账和出账的自动化,另外,如果你母亲会使用电脑,你还可以教她在网上缴付账单。Ms. Anderson, trustee of her widowed, 90-year-old mother#39;s revocable trust, set up small checking and credit-card accounts that her mom can tap for incidentals--#39;at-risk money,#39; Ms. Anderson calls it.安德森是她90岁寡居母亲可撤消信托的受托人,她设置了小额票账户和信用卡账户作为母亲可以动用的零花钱。安德森将这笔钱称作“风险资金”。How at-risk? The other day, Ms. Anderson visited her mom at her upscale continuing-care retirement community. #39;She was sitting on her couch in a pile of sweaters,#39; Ms. Anderson says.何来“风险”之说?一天,安德森到母亲居住的高档持续关怀退休社区看望她。安德森称:“我母亲坐在沙发上,身边堆满了毛衣。”The facility had invited a vendor in for the day, and Ms. Anderson#39;s mother ended up charging 0 worth of sweaters to her credit card. #39;I think I may have bought too much,#39; she confessed to her daughter. #39;Yes, I think you did,#39; replied Ms. Anderson. The vendor has refused to take back the sweaters. Ms. Anderson plans to lower her mom#39;s credit-card limit to 0. (She also plans to complain to the facility.)养老机构当天邀请来一位商人,结果安德森的母亲就用信用卡买了总共价值600美元的毛衣。安德森的母亲向女儿忏悔道:“我可能是买的太多了。”安德森回答道:“是的,你的确是买多了。”这位商人拒绝接受退货。安德森计划将母亲的信用卡额度下调至500美元。(她还打算向母亲的养老机构投诉此事。)Interact: #39;As your mom gets less and less competent, you get more and more involved,#39; says Mr. Schulman, who regularly reviews his mother#39;s account statements even though she still lives independently in another state. Be alert to unusual account activity or to new joint-account holders. These might include new #39;friends#39; or distant--or not-so-distant--relatives.互动:舒尔曼表示:“随着母亲的能力越来越弱,你的参与度应该越来越高。”舒尔曼会定期检查他母亲的对账单,尽管他母亲仍然独立地居住在另外一个州。要警惕异常的账户活动或新的联名账户持有人。这些人可能包括新“朋友”、远房亲戚或者“关系不那么远的”亲戚。#39;Joint assets are a big red flag,#39; says Patricia R. Beauregard, a lawyer at Pullman amp; Comley in Bridgeport, Conn. In one case, a brother taking care of his incapacitated, widowed sister #39;was also helping himself to her money on a pretty regular basis,#39; she says. He had made himself a joint account owner, engineered excess distributions from her retirement plans, and steered those into the joint accounts.帕特里夏#12539;R#12539;勒加德(Patricia R. Beauregard)表示:“联名资产是一个大的危险信号。”勒加德是康涅狄格州布里奇波特市Pullman amp; Comley律师事务所的律师。她说,在一个案件中,一位照顾伤残寡居的弟弟“同时也一直在非常频繁地帮自己获取的钱财。”他将自己设置成了账户联名人,为的退休计划申请了超额取,并将这笔钱打到了联名账户中。Ms. Beauregard says it#39;s a good idea to pay care givers--even family members--for their time so they don#39;t grow resentful and start stealing.勒加德表示,向照顾自己的人(即使是家人)付酬劳是个不错的主意,这样他们就不会心有不甘并开始偷窃了。If your mom is still insurable, consider getting her a long-term care insurance policy. That, quips Ms. Beauregard, or a younger man.如果你的母亲还可以投保,请考虑为她购买一份长期护理保险。勒加德开玩笑说,或者一个比她年轻的男士。 /201405/300350

What you can remember from age 3 may help improve aspects of your life far into adulthood. 从三岁开始的记忆,也许有助于改善你成年后相当长时期内生活的方方面面。Children who have the ability to recall and make sense of memories from daily life -- the first day of preschool, the time the cat died -- can use them to better develop a sense of identity, form relationships and make sound choices in adolescence and adulthood, new research shows. 最新研究发现,那些能够回想起日常生活片段并且理解其意义的儿童——比如记得幼儿园第一天入学,那只熟悉的猫死去的情形——可以利用这些记忆在青少年及成年时期更好地发展身份认同感、建立人际关系以及做出正确的选择。While the lives of many youngsters today are heavily documented in photos and on social media and stored in families#39; digital archives, studies suggest photos and s have little impact. Parents play a bigger role in helping determine not just how many early memories children can recall, but how children interpret and learn from the events of their earliest experiences. 虽然现在很多年轻人的生活大部分都记录在社交媒体上的照片和视频里,或者储存在家庭的数字档案中,但研究表明,照片和视频的影响很小。家长发挥的作用更大,他们不仅能决定孩子能回想起多少早期的儿时记忆,还会影响到孩子如何对最早期经历的事件进行解读和学习。#39;Our personal memories define who we are. They bond us together,#39; says Robyn Fivush, a psychology professor at Emory University in Atlanta and an author of dozens of studies on the topic. Children whose parents encourage reminiscing and storytelling about daily events show better coping and problem-solving skills by their preteens, and fewer symptoms of depression, research shows. 图表:更有助孩子思考的对话方式在该问题上发表过数十项研究的亚特兰大埃默里大学(Emory University)心理学教授罗宾·菲伍什(Robyn Fivush)说:“我们的记忆决定了我们是什么样的人。记忆是联结我们的纽带。”研究表明,受到家长鼓励回忆并讲述日常事件的儿童,在青春期前表现出更好的应对和解决问题的能力,抑郁的症状也更少。The findings come from research on the mysteries of #39;childhood amnesia#39; -- the fact that most people#39;s earliest memories fade by ages 6 to 8 as the brain hasn#39;t yet developed the capacity to retain them. 这些研究结果来自对“儿时记忆缺失”(childhood amnesia)谜团的研究。大多数人最早期的记忆会在6岁到8岁时逐渐消失,因为大脑尚未发育出保留这些记忆的能力。In the past two years, new research techniques -- including improved data-modeling methods and growth in studies that track children#39;s memories over several years -- have identified specific behaviors that help kids as old as 9 retain more vivid, detailed early memories. 过去两年,新的研究技术——包括更先进的数据建模方法,以及对儿童多年记忆进行跟踪研究的更成熟的手段——找到了那些有助于儿童到9岁还能保留鲜活详细的早期记忆的特定行为。Few childhood memory studies have included fathers. Ones with fathers show mothers are more likely to use a conversation style that helps children retain early memories. 在儿时记忆的研究中,大部分都没有考虑到父亲的因素。那些纳入了父亲影响的研究表明,母亲更常用的谈话式风格有助于孩子保留早期记忆。Some memories help build a sense of self-continuity, or personal identity, says a 2011 study. People recall these memories when they #39;want to feel that I am the same person that I was before,#39; or #39;when I want to understand how I have changed from who I was before.#39; A hurricane survivor, for example, might recall the memory as proof that she can survive tough experiences and grow stronger as a result. 2011年的一项研究称,有些记忆有助于建立自我延续感或者自我身份认同。人们在“希望觉得自己还是以前那个自己”,或者“我想知道跟以前相比有了什么变化”的时候,就会浮现出这些记忆。比如一个飓风幸存者可能会把飓风的记忆当作她可以在艰难环境中生存下来并变得更强大的据。Other memories serve a directive function, and guide behavior. People recall these when making decisions or to avoid repeating past mistakes. A person whose dog was killed by a car is likely to call on that memory when deciding to keep pets on a leash. 有些记忆则会起到指导的作用,可以指引人的行为。人们在做决定或者想避免重复过去错误的时候会想起这些经历。如果自己的曾被车撞死,在决定用绳子拴住宠物的时候就有可能想起这段经历。A third type, social-bonding memories, involve relationships with others. People recall these when they want to strengthen relationships or form new ties, the study says. A college student who participated in a different study cited bedtime-ing sessions with his father, who him the entire #39;Lord of the Rings#39; trilogy, as a motivator to build and maintain strong family ties in his adult life. 第三种叫做社交纽带记忆,涉及到人际关系。这项研究称,人们在希望加强关系或形成新的关系时会想起这种记忆。一名大学生在另外一项研究中提到,父亲曾在睡前给他讲故事,给他念了整个《指环王》(Lord of the Rings)三部曲,他说这是促使他成年后建立和保持亲密家庭关系的一个因素。The ability to draw on all three types of memories predicts higher psychological well-being, a greater sense of purpose and more positive relationships, according to a study of 103 college students published last year in the journal Memory. The students were asked to recall four life events and cite reasons they regarded them as significant. Then they filled out assessments gauging their life satisfaction, self-esteem and psychological well-being. 一项去年发表于《记忆》(Memory)期刊的研究表明,如果这三种类型的记忆都能够存留,就可以预测出一个人的心理状况将更健康,目标感更强,人际关系也更积极。这项研究的对象是103名大学生,他们被要求回忆人生中的四件大事,并讲出他们认为这四个事件重要的原因。接着他们填写了衡量生活满意度、自尊心和心理健康状况的评估表。Also, kids who can recall more specific memories are able to come up with more potential solutions to social problems, according to a 2011 University of New Hampshire study of 83 children ages 10 to 15. 此外,新罕布什尔大学(University of New Hampshire)2011年对83名10至15岁儿童所做的研究表明,记忆越具体的儿童越能够对社会问题提出更多可能的解决办法。Widaad Zaman, a co-author of studies on memory, says early memories help her 4-year-old daughter Haneefah build a sense of identity. She used to love petting dogs being walked by their neighbors, Dr. Zaman says. When a stray dog ran up to her in the family#39;s garage in Orlando, Fla., barking and sniffing at her, however, #39;she was screaming, and very scared,#39; Dr. Zaman says. The memory has made Haneefah cautious around dogs that aren#39;t on a leash. She sometimes tells her mother, #39;I used to be a person who liked dogs, but now I#39;m a person that doesn#39;t like dogs.#39; Ammar Ally制造记忆:维达德#8226;扎曼和当时三岁的女儿哈妮法。来自佛罗里达州奥兰多、合作写过记忆研究报告的维达德·扎曼(Widaad Zaman)说,早期记忆对她四岁的女儿哈妮法(Haneefah)建立身份认同感有帮助。她说,女儿以前喜欢在邻居遛的时候抚摸小。不过,后来一只流浪跑到她家的车库里,向她大叫并且在她身上闻来闻去时,“她尖叫起来,而且非常害怕”。这段记忆让哈妮法对没有被拴住的有了警惕。有时她会告诉妈妈:“我以前是个喜欢的人,但现在我是个不喜欢的人。”The incident helped Haneefah learn to talk about her emotions -- an ability linked in research to coping skills. Dr. Zaman encouraged her to describe her feelings and gave them a name -- fear. #39;Were there other times when you were scared or you felt very frightened?#39; she asked. Haneefah has since learned to start conversations about her emotions, telling her mother, #39;I had a bad dream and I was scared,#39; Dr. Zaman says. 这件事让哈妮法学会了谈论自己的情感——研究表明这是一种和应对技能相关的能力。扎曼鼓励女儿描述自己的感觉并且给这种感觉起名字——恐惧。她问女儿:“其他时候你有没有害怕或者感觉非常恐惧过?”从此哈妮法开始学会讨论自己的情感,她告诉妈妈:“我做了个噩梦,我很害怕。”Few adults remember much before they were 3.5 years old, on average. Some people have credible memories from as early as 18 months of age, however, while others can#39;t recall much before the age of 8, says Patricia Bauer, a psychologist and a senior associate dean for research at Emory. 一般来说,能够记得三岁半以前事情的成年人寥寥无几 。埃默里大学心理学家、负责研究的高级副院长帕特里夏·鲍尔(Patricia Bauer)说,有人对18个月时的事就有可靠的记忆,但有人连八岁以前的事都记不起来。Early memories have a higher likelihood of surviving when children are encouraged to talk about them soon after the event. Adults can guide them to tell #39;a good story, that has a beginning, middle and an end,#39; and help them talk about what it means, says Dr. Bauer, a leading researcher on the topic. The key behavior by mothers is #39;deflecting#39; conversation back to the child -- that is, tossing the ball back to the child repeatedly by asking, say, #39;We really had fun, didn#39;t we?#39; or, #39;Tell me more,#39; she says, based on findings published last year. 如果在事件发生后不久,孩子受到鼓励把事情讲出来,早期记忆保留下来的可能性就更大。该领域研究的领军人物鲍尔说,成年人可以引导他们讲“一个好听的故事,有开端、发展和结局的完整故事”,帮助他们讲出故事的意义。她说,去年发表的研究结果表明,妈妈们最关键的行为就是把谈话“引回”给孩子——也就是不断把话头扔给孩子,比如,她们可以说“我们玩得很开心,不是吗?”或者“再多说些”。Children with mothers who have a #39;highly elaborative style#39; of reminiscing with their kids, asking open-ended who, what, where and when questions, are able at ages 4 and 5 to recall earlier, more detailed memories than other children, research shows. Parents with a more #39;repetitive#39; style of reminiscing, who ask questions with one-word answers and simply repeat them if the child can#39;t respond, have children with fewer and less vivid recollections. 研究表明,如果母亲引导孩子回忆事件时采用“高度详述的谈话风格”,向孩子提出“谁”、“什么”、“哪里”或者“什么时候”这类开放式问题,孩子在四五岁时就能够比其他孩子重拾更早、更详细的记忆。如果父母在回忆时更多地采用“重复”的风格,问的问题一个词就能回答,而且孩子回答不出时只是简单地重复问题,那么孩子的记忆会更少,也不会那么生动。The elaborative method proved to be easy to learn says Catherine Haden, a psychology professor at Loyola University Chicago, a co-author of a 2003 study of parents of 39 preschoolers. Researchers gave parents a pamphlet to , then showed them a describing the elaborative style of conversing with children. Mothers who had the training ily adopted the elaborative style during a staged camping activity, and their kids recalled more details when questioned about the trip later. 芝加哥洛约拉大学(Loyola University Chicago)心理学教授凯瑟琳·黑登(Catherine Haden)说,研究表明,详述式方法很容易学。黑登还是2003年一项针对39名学龄前儿童家长所做研究的合着者。研究人员让家长们看一个小册子,然后给他们放了一段介绍以详述式方法和孩子交谈的视频。看过册子和视频的妈妈们在一次有组织的宿营活动中很快采用了详述式方法,她们的孩子后来在回答有关宿营的问题时也回忆起更多的细节。Dr. Zaman says she sometimes has to make a conscious effort when she#39;s tired or busy to keep tossing the conversational ball back in Haneefah#39;s court. After a boat ride last weekend, Dr. Zaman encouraged Haneefah to describe the splashing of the waves and her favorite part, watching the driver bring the boat to shore. She wants to show Haneefah #39;her version of the story matters,#39; she says. 扎曼说,有时自己太累或太忙,她就得促使自己打起精神努力引导哈妮法交谈。上周末坐船回来后,扎曼鼓励哈妮法描述汹涌的波涛还有她最喜欢的部分——看着船长开船靠岸。她说,她希望让哈妮法知道“她的视角是很重要的”。Sue ShellenbargerSue Shellenbarger /201404/289879

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